Do I have to?

There's been something creeping into my consciousness lately. It's something incredibly difficult to accept, especially as I am now in the throes of caring for very young children who really do need me for so much.

Soon, far sooner than I am willing to admit, they won't need me so much.

Eventually, they won't really need me at all.

I sit down to type this after having gone in to soothe my crying daughter who is not yet two years old. She sleeps well normally, so this act of mothering is a somewhat rare occurrence. I welcome such disruptions now, because I know they give me a chance to sit in the dark and rock her to sleep, singing a quiet lullaby and staring at her beautiful face as she drifts off. I did this so much when she was an infant and now these opportunities are fading so fast, so I jump at the chance to comfort her. (This is where the "maybe I should have a third" thinking is generated.)

Of course, I hope my children will always rely on me in some way. I hope I will be able to give guidance when asked, a compassionate ear when needed. Eventually, though, they will not need me the way young children need their mother.

I don't think I'm going to be very good at this "letting go" thing. I'm a perfectionist. I like to be in control. "Letting go" is not a skill set listed on my resume. I know my kids are young still, but I am not anticipating this act of parenting to be in any way palatable. Perhaps I can just put it off forever...