I have been sitting here for a while, on top of my fence. I can't seem to jump off to one side or the other, so here I perch.
On one side, I will plan on adding one more child to our family. I will hold and snuggle with a newborn again. I will cradle and rock and listen to the tiny sighs and cries emanating from a little package of love. I will have one more go-around, knowing that it will be my last, and cherish each milestone. My children will have another sibling to nurture, to play with, to love. And when my husband and I are gone, each of my children will have two people in the world to lean on who will always be their family.
On the other side, I will close the door on expansion and embrace our family of four as a permanent state. With hubby on the road so much, two is plenty for one parent to handle. Things will always be busy with activities and driving kids here and there, but it will be manageable. I won't be a waddling, vomiting, irritable pregnant woman trying to keep two crazy children from severe bodily harm. After that, I won't be a sleep-deprived, irritable mother trying to nurse a newborn while also keeping two crazy children from severe bodily harm. I will be a mom with a slightly longer fuse and a touch more sanity.
Lately I have been feeling the need to get off this fence. It's getting uncomfortable, these pickets in my rear. The children's clothing in various sizes has been piling up faster than I can organize it and put it in storage. I am also running out of said storage. Will the need to save this stuff for another child ever materialize? Can I bring myself to get rid of it, knowing that such an act is a decision not to have another? And since adding on requires a trip to the fertility specialist, I can't exactly leave this to fate. My husband is fine with either side of the fence, so it's up to me which side to choose.
I can't decide, but I probably should. Or maybe someone could just push me off?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Returning from hiatus, again.
It's been so long since I've seen you, dear blog. But I've been reading the blogs of other mommas and I am inspired to return. Blame it on the new year or whatever you like, but I want to get back to this and keep it up. I love reading and I love writing. I don't do nearly enough of either. So, let's try again.
I started this to have an outlet, some cheap therapy, a way to get me through my husband's many business trips. I cared not about readership when this began. This blog was for me and I wasn't interested in working to "recruit." But I've been reading other mom blogs and I like the community that develops. I love the give and take in the comment sections, the sharing of support, the knowledge that you are not alone. In that spirit, I want to start to extend myself a bit; get out of my comfort zone and share my writing for a change. (Throughout my history as a writer, "sharing" has been the part of the writing process I usually skip.) And, of course, if I get enough readers and someone wants to start advertising, I am not going to turn down an opportunity to pad the kids' college funds.
This brings me to my latest thoughts on blogging in general. My husband travels so frequently that I have been searching for mom blogs that would offer me wisdom and advice on how to deal with the frequent absence of a parenting partner. There are lots written by military spouses or wives of pilots, but I haven't found any that focus on my particular problem of dealing with the perpetual departure, then reappearance of hubby. The ones written by wives of pilots help, but my husband is in sales. When he's on the road, he's gone completely, but when he's home, he's at work all day (and sometimes on his laptop all night). It's a slightly different beast, I think.
I began to wonder if I should reach out to this audience specifically. Here's what I was pondering:
A. I could keep this blog as a general, all-purpose mommy blog and start a separate blog that deals with the challenges of holding down the fort while hubby's on the road. Downside: I can hardly keep up one blog, let alone two.
B. I could turn my blog into one that specifically addresses the challenges of single-parenting-while married and sprinkle in the general mommy stuff. This might attract others who are in a similar situation and hone in on a specific audience in a huge sea of mommy-blog readers. Downside: This would probably end up sounding much like a typical mommy blog, anyway. Would I attract more readers if I just left it as such?
C. I could leave things as they are, keep this as a standard-type mommy blog that just happens to focus quite a bit of energy on doing it alone while hubby's away. Downside: Would I get lost in a sea of mommy blogs, never to be read because my audience isn't specific enough?
I think it's time to reveal myself to my facebook friends, to come out as mommy blogger. I want people to read my stuff. Please?
I started this to have an outlet, some cheap therapy, a way to get me through my husband's many business trips. I cared not about readership when this began. This blog was for me and I wasn't interested in working to "recruit." But I've been reading other mom blogs and I like the community that develops. I love the give and take in the comment sections, the sharing of support, the knowledge that you are not alone. In that spirit, I want to start to extend myself a bit; get out of my comfort zone and share my writing for a change. (Throughout my history as a writer, "sharing" has been the part of the writing process I usually skip.) And, of course, if I get enough readers and someone wants to start advertising, I am not going to turn down an opportunity to pad the kids' college funds.
This brings me to my latest thoughts on blogging in general. My husband travels so frequently that I have been searching for mom blogs that would offer me wisdom and advice on how to deal with the frequent absence of a parenting partner. There are lots written by military spouses or wives of pilots, but I haven't found any that focus on my particular problem of dealing with the perpetual departure, then reappearance of hubby. The ones written by wives of pilots help, but my husband is in sales. When he's on the road, he's gone completely, but when he's home, he's at work all day (and sometimes on his laptop all night). It's a slightly different beast, I think.
I began to wonder if I should reach out to this audience specifically. Here's what I was pondering:
A. I could keep this blog as a general, all-purpose mommy blog and start a separate blog that deals with the challenges of holding down the fort while hubby's on the road. Downside: I can hardly keep up one blog, let alone two.
B. I could turn my blog into one that specifically addresses the challenges of single-parenting-while married and sprinkle in the general mommy stuff. This might attract others who are in a similar situation and hone in on a specific audience in a huge sea of mommy-blog readers. Downside: This would probably end up sounding much like a typical mommy blog, anyway. Would I attract more readers if I just left it as such?
C. I could leave things as they are, keep this as a standard-type mommy blog that just happens to focus quite a bit of energy on doing it alone while hubby's away. Downside: Would I get lost in a sea of mommy blogs, never to be read because my audience isn't specific enough?
I think it's time to reveal myself to my facebook friends, to come out as mommy blogger. I want people to read my stuff. Please?
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