The Fence

I have been sitting here for a while, on top of my fence. I can't seem to jump off to one side or the other, so here I perch.

On one side, I will plan on adding one more child to our family. I will hold and snuggle with a newborn again. I will cradle and rock and listen to the tiny sighs and cries emanating from a little package of love. I will have one more go-around, knowing that it will be my last, and cherish each milestone. My children will have another sibling to nurture, to play with, to love. And when my husband and I are gone, each of my children will have two people in the world to lean on who will always be their family.

On the other side, I will close the door on expansion and embrace our family of four as a permanent state. With hubby on the road so much, two is plenty for one parent to handle. Things will always be busy with activities and driving kids here and there, but it will be manageable. I won't be a waddling, vomiting, irritable pregnant woman trying to keep two crazy children from severe bodily harm. After that, I won't be a sleep-deprived, irritable mother trying to nurse a newborn while also keeping two crazy children from severe bodily harm. I will be a mom with a slightly longer fuse and a touch more sanity.

Lately I have been feeling the need to get off this fence. It's getting uncomfortable, these pickets in my rear. The children's clothing in various sizes has been piling up faster than I can organize it and put it in storage. I am also running out of said storage. Will the need to save this stuff for another child ever materialize? Can I bring myself to get rid of it, knowing that such an act is a decision not to have another? And since adding on requires a trip to the fertility specialist, I can't exactly leave this to fate. My husband is fine with either side of the fence, so it's up to me which side to choose.

I can't decide, but I probably should. Or maybe someone could just push me off?