Learn to like the cage.

M is my 2-year-old daughter. She has a knack for getting into everything that is either breakable or poisonous. It does not matter how high up it's been stored or even if there is a lock on the cabinet; she finds a way. Just ask the good folks at the state's poison control hotline. One more from us and they might start to answer our calls with, "You guys again?" She simply cannot be trusted.

Lately, she has really been into hanging out in her big brother's bed. She loves jumping, bouncing, cuddling under the covers, and climbing into the far corner where I can't reach her without climbing into the bed myself. She does this to avoid naps, baths, or just generally make me mad.

When I put her in her crib for a nap today, she told me, "I want a big-girl bed. This is too tight." Just to illustrate her point, she grabbed slats on either side of the bed to show me how "tight" it really is.

Sorry, sweets. As far as I'm concerned, you'll be in a crib until you're 18, because that's how little I trust you. There is no way that I am giving you the physical freedom to get up from your bed. I fear for your safety and the structural integrity of my house if you have such freedom. Who knows what I might come down to in the morning? The last time I took a risk and left you unsupervised so I could go out to shovel snow, I came back to find my living room walls, floor and furniture freshly decorated. With maxi pads. They were stuck everywhere. Granted, nothing was broken and there was no call to my friends on Speed Dial #1 (my pals at poison control), but you did waste a package of maxi pads. The next time I'm in need and I don't have any in the house, I will blame you.

So, my dear, get used to sleeping in the fetal position, because it will be the only way you'll fit in that crib when you're 16. Oh, and then, it will probably have a padlock on it. I'll trust you even less by then.

Damn ice dams

I have officially had it with New England winters.

As a teacher-on-hiatus, I loved snow days. My sister (also a teacher) formed the "Snow Day Committee," which included like-minded teaching folks who also enjoyed themselves a good snow day. Then, one year, we had so many snow days that the school year went until the end of June with the days added on. Have you ever tried getting teenagers to retain anything when it's June, it's beach weather, and the classroom is soaring past 100 degrees? Well, it's...difficult. So I stopped rooting for snow days, and my sister revoked my membership on the "Snow Day Committee."

Fine by me.

Now I have REALLY had enough. The playroom is leaking because the ice dams are so thick on our roof that the water is backing up into the roof. Lego building is just not as much fun when water is dripping on your head.

Hubby was in town (thank you thank you thank you), so he went to work trying to clear away some of the ice so water could drain off of the roof. He went up on the ladder with stockings full of calcium chloride. I'm home with the kids all the time, so who needs stockings? They're all yours. The lightning came, so he got down. But he was back at it again today, and drainage has been achieved. Dripping has ceased, at least until the next snow storm leaves us with another ice dam(n).

And I am just ridiculously grateful that this all went down while hubby was actually home, and not in Dallas or Miami or Minneapolis or San Diego, or any of his other work sites. PHEW!

Screw the Snow Day Committee. Bring me summer, please. NOW.

The Fence

I have been sitting here for a while, on top of my fence. I can't seem to jump off to one side or the other, so here I perch.

On one side, I will plan on adding one more child to our family. I will hold and snuggle with a newborn again. I will cradle and rock and listen to the tiny sighs and cries emanating from a little package of love. I will have one more go-around, knowing that it will be my last, and cherish each milestone. My children will have another sibling to nurture, to play with, to love. And when my husband and I are gone, each of my children will have two people in the world to lean on who will always be their family.

On the other side, I will close the door on expansion and embrace our family of four as a permanent state. With hubby on the road so much, two is plenty for one parent to handle. Things will always be busy with activities and driving kids here and there, but it will be manageable. I won't be a waddling, vomiting, irritable pregnant woman trying to keep two crazy children from severe bodily harm. After that, I won't be a sleep-deprived, irritable mother trying to nurse a newborn while also keeping two crazy children from severe bodily harm. I will be a mom with a slightly longer fuse and a touch more sanity.

Lately I have been feeling the need to get off this fence. It's getting uncomfortable, these pickets in my rear. The children's clothing in various sizes has been piling up faster than I can organize it and put it in storage. I am also running out of said storage. Will the need to save this stuff for another child ever materialize? Can I bring myself to get rid of it, knowing that such an act is a decision not to have another? And since adding on requires a trip to the fertility specialist, I can't exactly leave this to fate. My husband is fine with either side of the fence, so it's up to me which side to choose.

I can't decide, but I probably should. Or maybe someone could just push me off?

Returning from hiatus, again.

It's been so long since I've seen you, dear blog. But I've been reading the blogs of other mommas and I am inspired to return. Blame it on the new year or whatever you like, but I want to get back to this and keep it up. I love reading and I love writing. I don't do nearly enough of either. So, let's try again.

I started this to have an outlet, some cheap therapy, a way to get me through my husband's many business trips. I cared not about readership when this began. This blog was for me and I wasn't interested in working to "recruit." But I've been reading other mom blogs and I like the community that develops. I love the give and take in the comment sections, the sharing of support, the knowledge that you are not alone. In that spirit, I want to start to extend myself a bit; get out of my comfort zone and share my writing for a change. (Throughout my history as a writer, "sharing" has been the part of the writing process I usually skip.) And, of course, if I get enough readers and someone wants to start advertising, I am not going to turn down an opportunity to pad the kids' college funds.

This brings me to my latest thoughts on blogging in general. My husband travels so frequently that I have been searching for mom blogs that would offer me wisdom and advice on how to deal with the frequent absence of a parenting partner. There are lots written by military spouses or wives of pilots, but I haven't found any that focus on my particular problem of dealing with the perpetual departure, then reappearance of hubby. The ones written by wives of pilots help, but my husband is in sales. When he's on the road, he's gone completely, but when he's home, he's at work all day (and sometimes on his laptop all night). It's a slightly different beast, I think.

I began to wonder if I should reach out to this audience specifically. Here's what I was pondering:

A. I could keep this blog as a general, all-purpose mommy blog and start a separate blog that deals with the challenges of holding down the fort while hubby's on the road. Downside: I can hardly keep up one blog, let alone two.

B. I could turn my blog into one that specifically addresses the challenges of single-parenting-while married and sprinkle in the general mommy stuff. This might attract others who are in a similar situation and hone in on a specific audience in a huge sea of mommy-blog readers. Downside: This would probably end up sounding much like a typical mommy blog, anyway. Would I attract more readers if I just left it as such?

C. I could leave things as they are, keep this as a standard-type mommy blog that just happens to focus quite a bit of energy on doing it alone while hubby's away. Downside: Would I get lost in a sea of mommy blogs, never to be read because my audience isn't specific enough?

I think it's time to reveal myself to my facebook friends, to come out as mommy blogger. I want people to read my stuff. Please?

It's October and that means I am a married single parent.

I do not enjoy single parenting.

Yes, I am married. But hubby's off on one of his many, many, MANY business trips and I'm back to doing all of the daily stuff by myself. October is going to be a busy month for Daddy's travel schedule. Any parent will tell you that parenting is one REALLY hard job. And when Chris is gone, there is no break for me. No coffee break, no sneaking off for a cigarette and a chat with the gal in the next cubicle. I don't even get to go to the bathroom uninterrupted; Megan can't let Mommy go off on her own for more than 6 seconds, so she usually toddles in to keep me company while I'm trying to pee. So, when Chris is gone, the routines really wear on me.

The worst part is the loneliness. I run into other parents at preschool drop-off, I chat with the moms in the parent-child classes I teach, I connect with a friend via late-night text messages. But aside from these fleeting interactions, I literally go for days without having a single meaningful conversation with an adult. I absolutely understand why solitary confinement could be considered torture.

Of course, I love my kids and chatting, playing, singing, dancing and just being silly with them. But, at the end of the day, I need to vent, share the stories about the silly moments, discuss something that has nothing to do with child-rearing. In the absence of these things, I engage in self-destructive behavior to ease the loneliness, like getting sucked into computer usage (as this post is case in point), mindless television, and eating...and eating...and eating. I do all of this to put off doing all of the evening chores without benefit of a companion to share the work and a few laughs. Then I go to bed too late. And then I'm sleep deprived and even more grumpy the next day. When does Daddy get home again? And how much caffeine is too much?

The problem is exacerbated by not having help from family; mine lives 6 hours away and no one in my husband's family can help me out, so I'm on my own. If we could invent some form of instantaneous travel, my mom could help me put the kids in the tub and send them to bed. Beam me up, Grandma!

October is not going to be fun, since Chris's travel schedule is packed. There is a silver lining; thank goodness for the theater tickets to break up the monotony a bit. (Thanks, hon!)

Okay, I'll stop whining now. I certainly don't like hearing it from my kids, so you probably don't like reading it from me. :)

It's official; I am a suburban housewife.

There are lots of clues to my current identity. It could be the prune-like fingertips from washing more sippy cups than I care to imagine. Perhaps it's the package of baby wipes that is constantly on my person. Of course, there's the mommy wardrobe of t-shirts and yoga pants. The most obvious sign, of course, is the appendage hanging off each leg (i.e. the children).

Last night I took this role one step further. I hosted a Tupperware party. Yes, Tupperware...those plastic containers your grandmother used to store her cakes in? Well, I cleaned the house, served some hors d'oeuvres, made some apple cider hot toddies (yum), and let a stranger into my house to sell my friends some plastic containers.

Okay, perhaps I am oversimplifying things a bit. Getting the house ready was actually a huge challenge, since the kids manage to make enormous messes in under 3.5 seconds. And after dumping the artichoke dip on the floor TWICE, I was forced to serve a modified version of it, since I had already used up some of the ingredients. Plus, despite the grandmotherly stigma, Tupperware does have some pretty cool products that are darn useful in the kitchen (love my Fridge Smart containers!).

But, I'll admit, when I was younger and dreaming of someday owning a home and raising children, this wasn't quite what I had in mind. Yet, here I found myself, completing the puzzle and adding "hosted Tupperware Party" to my mommy resume. And sad, but true, when the party lady was talking about how great the dishtowels are, I already had one slung over my shoulder, as I usually do.

I had to; it's the suburban housewife uniform.

"Why is Daddy's heart broken?"

His heart is broken because you won't let him do ANYTHING. No diaper changes, no baths; you won't even let him read you a bedtime story! Of course his heart is broken!

The mommy-dependence is really wearing on me. Of course, at 2, it's understandable that Megan wants her mom. I am the stay-at-home parent and am responsible for the majority of her care. Dad travels a lot for work, so when he's away, I'm the only caregiver. Being hyper-attached to the primary caregiver is natural at this age.

Of course, I might just be rationalizing here, so if I'm off base, let me know.

Now, Ryan is starting to chime in with the "I want Mommy" whine, too. He's just imitating his little sister, but it's aggravating to me and truly disappointing to my husband. What dad wants to be shunned, especially when he's away from his kids so frequently?

I am on a mission to replace our babysitter, who is off to a new life as a college student. Finding a quiet place for an interview poses a challenge, however. Of course, babysitters are likely to tell me "no, thanks" when they hear the screaming toddler in the background, adamantly refusing a bath from Dad while trying to bang down my bedroom door to find me. Who wants to take care of a kid who's capable of cracking glass in her screams for her mother?

Think she'll let the sitter take care of her for a week while Dad and I go to Aruba? A mom can dream....